- vipertongue -

The longer the CV, the less significant the accomplishments.

Genius is being intensely interested in one thing.  Happiness is being fairly interested in several things.  When was the last time you have ever heard of a happy genius?

Live in Jakarta for once in your life.  Leave before you start to sound gay.

Indonesia declared its independence a week after the U.S. dropped the atom bomb on Hiroshima.  You do the math.

Always leave the lowest button on a suit unbuttoned.

The easiest way to get a group of men into an argument is to have them start a campfire from zero.

Eating a juicy cheeseburger once a week will do as much harm to you as eating brocolli once a week would do you good.

A woman’s ego is directly proportional to the size of her sasak.

Never take a first date to a restaurant that has photographs of the food on the walls.

Smoking is poor taste.  Asking someone not to smoke is even worse.

Being liberated does not equal being happy.  Ask any Iraqi.  So whoever wrote "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness" made a lot of sense.

Correct me if I am wrong, but I think Buddhism is essentially a life long Pursuit of Happiness while causing minimal harm to others along the way.

Even the Javanese have a similar concept.  Its called "Moro Seneng".  Hundreds of nasgor guys can’t be wrong.

A person’s maturity level is inversely proportional to the length of the "About Me" section of the profile.

Except when it just says "baik hati dan tidak sombong!".  Thats pretty much beyond any hope whatsoever.

Never wear the same pair of shoes two days in a row.  This will extend the lifespan of the shoes as it has a period of 24 hours to return to its original shape.

Show me an idealist, and I’ll show you someone with no overhead to pay.

Remember those commercials where the husband comes home from work to her smiling wife and kids with a steaming bowl of instant noodles on the dinner table?  Man, if I had a wife and she ever did that, I would pack up and leave.  And I’ll be taking my malnourished children with me, thank you very much.

Just because I have a photographic memory of what you wear does not necessarily mean I have an opinion on it.

Educate a boy and you will educate a single person.  Educate a girl and you will educate an entire family.

Never trust a man who never swears.  Except if he swears in Javanese, then he is simply a bloody idiot.

From my experience, housewives who are desperate don’t look like that.  At all.

Pay attention on how your date treats the service staff at restaurants.  That is an indication how you will be treated in four years time.

When an anak pejabat tells you about the guns he owns, its basically his way of saying "Hey, not only am I rich, but my daddy also makes me above the law!"

When a chinese guy tells you about the guns he owns, its basically his was of saying "Hey, I may *look* timid, but you don’t wanna mess with me!"

I find it disturbing how much I identify, psychologically, with Seinfeld’s "George Costanza".  I’m not kidding on this one.

Never trust the type of guys who call you "bos".   And if you actually prefer being called that, no way in hell do I trust you.

There are absolutely no shortcuts to growing up.

Anyone who absolutely loves food has no illusions that he or she can easily be a chef.  So then why is it that any vacuumhead Plaza Senayan chick who likes shopping always thinks she can easily be, like, a fashion designer, y’know?  "If only papi didn’t make me take administrasi niaga instead, i coulda been one… secara gue kan banyak ide baju, geto lhow…"

The french are funny.  Sex is funny.  Comedies are funny.  So why aren’t french sex comedies ever funny?

Do I support smoking?  Of course I do.  Its the best thing to happen to population control since kondom dualima.

Ever known a so-called "paranormal" who has a well-adjusted and healthy relationship with his or her parents?  Think about it.

Real men cry when watching "Dead Poet’s Society".

If you wake up in the morning and find her gazing at your face, proceed with extreme caution.  She might actually have feelings for you.

Karedok does the body good. 

Women who always date rich or good looking men will always have a distant ex-boyfriend who isn’t.  And she will make sure you never, ever, ever forget that little fact.  So help you God.

Never humiliate a fellow man.  You may destroy his business, vandalize his car, stalk his children, or seduce his wife, but do have a sense of decency and never, ever humiliate the man.

The popcorn girl at Ciwalk 21 is really cute.  Please don’t tell her you read it here.

No man over the age of 18 should ever use more than one question mark at the end of a sentence.

The best villains walk slowly and speak with an accent. But never sundanese.

No song should ever have a line that starts with "Girl, …"

If you talk to God, its prayer. If He talks back to you, its mental illness.

Real men don’t use straws. Except with Teh Botol.

Weekends or weekdays? Weekdays, for sure. Except when I’ve been out drinking the night before.

Anyone who actually refers to himself as a "budayawan" deserves to be shot. Several times.

When you’re a kid, you have no idea how much your parents love you.

If tongseng had a name other than "tongseng", it would be a more popular dish. Think about it.

The loudest one at the table usually works in advertising.

My definition of a good movie is a movie that accomplishes what it intended to do in the first place. Period.

You are never as bad as people say you are. And you are never as good, either.

The type of people who say they don’t care about appearances, are usually the ones most judgmental of others.

The only difference between a religion and a cult is that one has more members than the other.

Ninety percent of your future happiness will be determined on your decision on who you marry. You can have all the money and fame you want, but if you chose the wrong person, you *will* be miserable. And yes, this applies to women too.

Never sleep with women with more troubles than you. Or women who broadcast their every thought and feeling in Yahoo Messenger status.

Deep down inside every long-haired woman, is a short-haired woman screaming to be let out.

Refrain from using more than one exclamation point per email.

The smart-ass hipper-than-thou one? Yup, in advertising too.

Why do women talk about "sisterhood" so much? Because deep down, they know they’d backstab and walk over each other when the opportunity presents itself.

The worse someone’s spelling is, the more chances he was educated in the US. Definately.

I’m 34 and overweight. My mom still worries if I am eating enough.

Trust me, you don’t want to marry the type of guy who prefers women with long hair.

There are three types of women. High maintenance women, low maintenance women, and high maintenance women who think they are low maintenance women.

The more religious a woman looks, the less likely she is to thank you as you hold open the door for her.

In movies, usually the skinny guy in a hat gets killed off first. If only life imitated art more…

What would you do for absolutely free? That is what you should do for a living.

Never let school get in the way of a good education.

There are three things you want in a vendor. Quality, fast, and cheap. But you will only get two out of three.

I don’t listen to bands with skinny guys who wear hats.

Its a rare person indeed, who offers advice and consolation with no self interest whatsoever.

Any profession that deals with appearances, such as fashion, makeup, or aerobics, has a higher percentage of neurotic insecure people.

My dad was always home for dinner. Always. Probably the best education I ever received.

When it comes to buying suits, buy the best you can afford. Quality over quantity. Because each time you open your closet, time and time again, that will be the one you choose over the others.

Why do I think Evil exists? Because there are women out there who do not like ice cream or chocolate.

Your profession should be one of your hobbies. But not all hobbies can be your profession.

Charcoal grey is not black. Its charcoal grey. So no, I do not wear black all the time.

Never, ever, wear a buttondown shirt unbuttoned. Or a tabbed collar without a tie.

If you go by the rules, you’ll end up becoming an accountant. With a name like Agnesia Laurensia. And wearing white shoes. And saying "GBU!" all the time.

If you are skinny, don’t wear a hat.

When shaving, as in life, always go against the grain.

Cigarettes should be illegal.

The more time you spend complaining about something, the less time you will have to find a solution.

Women who love fashion are like men who love cars. Go figure that out.

When was the last time someone was killed in the name of Satan? I think he needs a better public relation consultant.

People you consider normal are simply people you just don’t know very well.

When in doubt, use leather.