- vipertongue -

No man over the age of 18 should ever use more than one question mark at the end of a sentence.

The best villains walk slowly and speak with an accent. But never sundanese.

No song should ever have a line that starts with "Girl, …"

If you talk to God, its prayer. If He talks back to you, its mental illness.

Real men don’t use straws. Except with Teh Botol.

Weekends or weekdays? Weekdays, for sure. Except when I’ve been out drinking the night before.

Anyone who actually refers to himself as a "budayawan" deserves to be shot. Several times.

When you’re a kid, you have no idea how much your parents love you.

If tongseng had a name other than "tongseng", it would be a more popular dish. Think about it.

The loudest one at the table usually works in advertising.

My definition of a good movie is a movie that accomplishes what it intended to do in the first place. Period.

You are never as bad as people say you are. And you are never as good, either.

The type of people who say they don’t care about appearances, are usually the ones most judgmental of others.

The only difference between a religion and a cult is that one has more members than the other.

Ninety percent of your future happiness will be determined on your decision on who you marry. You can have all the money and fame you want, but if you chose the wrong person, you *will* be miserable. And yes, this applies to women too.

Never sleep with women with more troubles than you. Or women who broadcast their every thought and feeling in Yahoo Messenger status.

Deep down inside every long-haired woman, is a short-haired woman screaming to be let out.

Refrain from using more than one exclamation point per email.

The smart-ass hipper-than-thou one? Yup, in advertising too.

Why do women talk about "sisterhood" so much? Because deep down, they know they’d backstab and walk over each other when the opportunity presents itself.

The worse someone’s spelling is, the more chances he was educated in the US. Definately.

I’m 34 and overweight. My mom still worries if I am eating enough.

Trust me, you don’t want to marry the type of guy who prefers women with long hair.

There are three types of women. High maintenance women, low maintenance women, and high maintenance women who think they are low maintenance women.

The more religious a woman looks, the less likely she is to thank you as you hold open the door for her.

In movies, usually the skinny guy in a hat gets killed off first. If only life imitated art more…

What would you do for absolutely free? That is what you should do for a living.

Never let school get in the way of a good education.

There are three things you want in a vendor. Quality, fast, and cheap. But you will only get two out of three.

I don’t listen to bands with skinny guys who wear hats.

Its a rare person indeed, who offers advice and consolation with no self interest whatsoever.

Any profession that deals with appearances, such as fashion, makeup, or aerobics, has a higher percentage of neurotic insecure people.

My dad was always home for dinner. Always. Probably the best education I ever received.

When it comes to buying suits, buy the best you can afford. Quality over quantity. Because each time you open your closet, time and time again, that will be the one you choose over the others.

Why do I think Evil exists? Because there are women out there who do not like ice cream or chocolate.

Your profession should be one of your hobbies. But not all hobbies can be your profession.

Charcoal grey is not black. Its charcoal grey. So no, I do not wear black all the time.

Never, ever, wear a buttondown shirt unbuttoned. Or a tabbed collar without a tie.

If you go by the rules, you’ll end up becoming an accountant. With a name like Agnesia Laurensia. And wearing white shoes. And saying "GBU!" all the time.

If you are skinny, don’t wear a hat.

When shaving, as in life, always go against the grain.

Cigarettes should be illegal.

The more time you spend complaining about something, the less time you will have to find a solution.

Women who love fashion are like men who love cars. Go figure that out.

When was the last time someone was killed in the name of Satan? I think he needs a better public relation consultant.

People you consider normal are simply people you just don’t know very well.

When in doubt, use leather.