- vipertongue -

Real men never type “hiks”.

Just because she wears a size L shirt, does not mean she wears size L underwear. Shop at your own risk.

Hong Kong movies sacrifice logic for the sake of action. French movies sacrifice logic for the sake of an underlying philosophy. Indonesian movies sacrifice logic for the sake of… I dunno, you tell me.

The four scariest words a woman can say: “We need to talk.”

Most employees think they are smarter than their bosses.

People who say “I don’t care about money” always seem to have it.

Its not that you actually like using PC and Windows. You just haven’t used a Mac yet.

The better looking a woman is, the less grateful she will be if you do her a favor. But again, the average guy probably wouldn’t notice either.

The problem with wanting kids is that you have to have a wife first. How awfully irritating.

Did you know that the word Boogeyman came from “Bugis”? Somehow I think our vice president feels a wee bit more smugger knowing that. (kudos to Farah Wawah for that tidbit)

How my employees put up with me year after year is beyond me.

The hardest part of learning Bahasa Indonesia is figuring out how to use “lho, kok, deh, dong, and lah.” And if you live in Bandung, let us not forget about the “euy”, shall we?

I wear glasses as an illusion of intelligence.

Besides, if LASIK is so safe, why don’t they ever do both eyes at one go?

Its ironic that cigarette ads always feature determined and strong willed individuals, while the whole reason people are addicted to smoking in the first place are because of opposite characteristics altogether.

Beware of women who say “Sudah makan, belum? Jangan lupa makan ya, nanti sakit lho…”. Trust me on this one.

Its easier to preach hatred and do-nots than it is to preach love and please-do.

At the intersection of Cipaganti Pasteur, from the direction of Cihampelas, there is a cigarette guy who has an uncanny resemblance to James Woods.

Asians, as a rule, do not understand the concept of privacy.

How can you disavow a religion if you never consciously converted? And no, your dad whispering into your ear when you were a baby does *not* count.

Those Things Women Say, Number 48: “I like a man with a sense of humor.” Ha!

If a girl on the internet asks you “kamu orang mana?” within the first 30 minutes, no need to ask her the same question. She’s chinese. Take my word for it.

The Harley Davidsons at Coffee Bean Plaza Senayan? Oh man, you really don’t want me to started on *those* guys…. pfeh!

My siblings and I are the first generation to use the name Darmono. And seeing our social lives as of late, looks like we’re gonna be the last, too. heh heh…

Have character. Try not to be one.

Skinny guys in hats actually try to be characters.

The type of parents who ask “dia anaknya siapa?” are not worthy of being parents. Or even human.

Please explain the concept, justification, and reasoning behind the theological “Hell” to me. Thank you. One more time, please.. without being so defensive about it.

Dude, if you have suspicions that she’s matre, well then hey, she most probably is, okay? Wake up and smell the nicotine, why don’t you.

Blood is thicker than water. And much tastier, too.

You know you work in advertising if you think Benyamin is cool. “I’m so hip and ironic, I amaze myself sometimes!”

My dad taught me that both a Rolex and a cheapo Casio will tell you pretty much the same time.

My dad also taught me to stay away from people who say “Its not about the time it tells, its what it says about you.”

But its never a good idea to wear a Rolex and Casio together. You’ll never know exactly what time it is.

If you ever watch an interview of the Dalai Lama, its pretty hard not to come away thinking “damn, he seems like a really, really pleasant and happy guy”, regardless of your personal beliefs.

If I ever have a daughter, I am going to name her “Lenowi”. It means “precious” in Cherokee.

A son? Hmm. Never really crossed my mind, to be honest.

My best ideas always come to me when I am in the shower. But only when alone, though.

Move to Bali once in your life. Leave before you start acting smugly superior to Jakartans.

Rempeyek: Even when its bad, its still pretty damn good.