- vipertongue -

It ain’t a proper Indonesian wedding until the bride-to-be locks herself in her room and breaks down crying.

Teaching someone to operate the cash register is easy.  Teaching someone to smile is pretty much impossible.

When Viagra was approved by the FDA, if you listened closely enough, you could hear a collective sigh of relief among the rhinocerous community.

The highlight of my career?  Back in 2000, my label was mentioned in a story on 17tahun.com.  Penthouse Forum, here I come!

Many thanks to Miss M. for pointing out the story.  No worries, your identity and.. uhmm..  particular fetish, shall forever remain a secret.

Proof that God has a sense of humor: The Platypus.

My dad told me when he was a young boy, his father caught him smoking.  So my grandfather locked him in a room with a full pack, and didn’t let him out until he smoked them all.  If that doesn’t make you swear off smoking for life, I dunno what will.  Eheheheh…

How to Spot a Beginner Designer, #97: They do a victory lap at the end of the show.  In the same clothing as her models.

If you are not mentally prepared to be monogamous yet, don’t get married.  It doesn’t get any simpler than that.  If you stray down the line, its only human.  But at least start on the right frickin’ foot.

“ya namanya juga cowok lah, yan..  mau gimana lagi, udah dari sononya, bener ngga, yan…”

You ain’t Indonesian if you can’t jongkok nongkrong.  Bonus points if you can inhale a kretek and look like an existentialist while you are at it.

Signs it’s (Definitely) The Wrong Band #21: There are more than 7 people on stage, you see bongo drums and maracas, the bass guitar is strapped high in the guy’s armpits, and the lead singer is a Skinny Guy in a Hat.

And if they start playing Incognito, Toto, Manhattan Transfer, or Kool and the Gang,… dude, you’re pretty much dead in the water.  May God have mercy on your soul and eardrums.

Sometimes, but just sometimes, the two singers in shorts and boots on either side of the Skinny Guy make it all… so… worth… it….

Radio guys in

Bandung

are the equivalent of Advertising guys in

Jakarta

.

I was at the DVD shop the other day and there was a lady looking for the latest season of  “The Simple Life”. I had to resist from throttling her neck and scream “Why, damn it, WHY?!”

The cuter she is, the fussier she will be on how her coffee is prepared.

I, on the other hand, am fussy on how my instant noodles are prepared.  Al dente, my dear.. al dente. 

Why did I choose to be self employed?  Self reliance and independence are all fine and dandy.. but above it all?  Being able to play my own music all day, and ain’t nobody can say nuthin’ about it.  Gyahahahaha.

Its generally not a very good idea to travel in countries where the government soldiers wear flip-flops.

My dad always wondered, why do the cultures that claim to have an in-depth understanding of the afterlife, are always the ones that wail hysterically when someone dies?

Real men don’t walk while eating an ice cream cone.  So siddown ‘n use a cup, or I’ll go medieval on your sorry ass.

I still have yet to dream in bahasa indonesia.   I mentally dial the phone in Indonesian, though.

In Indonesia, its perfectly acceptable to call yourself an entrepreneur even if you inherited your father’s business.  Sure, you are smart and work hard, no argument there.  But your lack of passion for what you do is as clear as day.

“This my is own company, a completely separate entity from my family’s business.”

“So what type of business are you in?”

“The same as my father’s.  But remember!  It’s mine and it’s completely different!”

“Ah.  Okay.”

And if you ever, ever forget that little fact, so help you God.

Anything worth doing feels much better done angled on an incline.

The other day I saw a banner for a new tabloid called “Persib”, which is the local soccer team.  When a team constantly loses, do you seriously wanna publish a tabloid about them?

You know you’re a “Bule with a Mission” if you say you are “making a contribution to the local economy” when in fact all you are doing is buying a frickin’ souvenir.

Never live by default.

Back in my ICQ days, I found it amusing how many ITB students would actually list their school under “Occupation”.  And only ITB students would do that. Go figure that out. 

How Missy Elliot can somehow outsell The Indigo Girls is beyond me.

Ever seen those long and baggy Japanese socks?  They actually glue them to they stay in place.  Which explains the physics in the numerous subtitled, independent Japanese films I have had the privilege to view.  No wardrobe malfunction in those movies, uh-uh, no sir.

If you have the passion for it, the capital will come.