- vipertongue -

If I ever get married one day (hey! I heard that snicker!), I plan on washing her feet instead. The look on my relative’s faces? Priceless!

The only reason you never consider yourself an addict is because its always available and within reach.

Whats the point of retirement? If you look forward to it, you are wasting your life, dude.

I have yet to meet a gay man who hates women. But I have come across quite a few lesbians who absolutely loathe men. Damn shame, considering how many of them have cool short hair.

My mom visited the Von Trapp estate in Austria in the late ‘80s. She said there were hidden speakers in the manicured gardens playing “The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music”. I guess it was her idea of a pilgrimage.

Real men never wear socks to bed. Especially when a woman is anywhere in the picture.

There was a “Bule with a Mission” NGO in Central Java that socialized AIDS awareness via wayang golek shows. Yeah dude, the last time I checked, high risk inviduals are heavy into the wayang golek scene, big time.

There was a guy on Yahoogroups willing to pay good money for an original Milli Vanilli CD. I seriously considered hunting the guy down to beat the living daylights out of him.

Did you know duku can make you inebriated? My dad once told me, as a boy he fell out of a duku tree once after eating one too many of them. Ehehehe..

The latin word for wolverine is “gulo gulo”. Ha, Logan doesn’t sound too tough now, eh bub? And the latin name for the bat is “vespertilio”.

Hmmm. That sounded kinda cool, actually.

Are puns considered the Rob Schneider of humor?

By any definition under the sun, cigarettes are drugs. Highly addictive, slickly advertised, herbal, legal, and socially acceptable. But make no mistake about it, it is a drug.

At least when someone is tripping on E, the only thing you have to tolerate is the crappy house music.

Advertising guys tend to see (and carry) themselves as somewhat of a Quentin Tarantino. Advertising girls, Sofia Coppola.  You’re not.  Seriously.

Would I have more blog material if I watched Indonesian television? Betcha ass I would. But I value my braincells and mental health more than this blog.

FSRD ITB students tend to think that by only producing limited items of anything automatically make it exclusive. Produce a hundred, and there is a demand for a hundred and four, that’s exclusive. If you only produce two and there is no demand for it, that’s called overproduction, baby.

“Tapi gue kan idealis! Ngga komersil/massal/sell-out!” Fine, okay. Now sit back and watch me perform Vivaldi on my air Stradivarius.

Imagine one day in the near future, explaining to your grown children how we used pagers back in the mid ‘90s.

I have hanged out with the model / flaming fashionista / Kosmo Vacuumhead crowd. And I have hanged out with the artist / writer / teater / Bule with a Mission / LSM / Pretentious Pramoedya crowd. Now, take a wild guess: Which crowd was most prejudiced based on how someone was dressed? And verbally expressed it?

Cool name for a chinese restaurant: “The Ignorant Duck (d/h ‘Cuek Bebek’)”

Women who wear animal prints and have tattooed eyebrows tend to be more racially biased than average. (kudos to Maria Francisco for that tidbit)

Hire the smile, train the rest.

I don’t mind going out with women who do not like my favorite movies. But I draw the line at women who like the movies that I absolutely hate.

Signs Its (definitely) the Wrong Band, #76: They are Filipinos. And the lead singer is poultry-esque. And if they start playing a song by Dewa, you are so beyond toast it ain’t even remotely funny. God have mercy on your soul and eardrums. *shiver…

When King Leonidas in “300” bellowed “Tonight we dine in hell!”, its safe to assume he meant sundanese food.

Things You Should Never Trust, #65: Anything that claims to be “berkhasiat”, guys who call you “bos”, and the smile of a Public Relations Officer. Especially if she’s a hot babe.

Oh, and skincare clinics. Biggest scam on earth, I tellya… preying on the fears and insecurities of the cute and the gullible.

You know there is something fundamentally wrong when your best defense for it is “Yes, but the book itself teaches peace and goodwill, not violence.” Especially when you find it necessary to use that sorry excuse more than a few times.

There is nothing worse than Indonesian selebritis that aspire to own a boutique. Hold on, yes it can get worse.. boutique and sanggar senam.

Pagersex.