- vipertongue -

I was Hugh Hefner for Halloween once.  I wore a silk bathrobe,
slippers, with a cigar and a snifter of cognac.  The only thing missing
was Miss October as elbow-candy.

Anthony Bourdain is a "Bule with a Mission".
Anyone who would praise a half-cooked iguana in Ecuador and diss a New
York hotdog is a pretentious prick.  There, I said it. Pfffft.

The only thing worse than watching interviews of models and designers on FTV is watching it with the volume actually turned on.

How many over-40-year-old FSRD ITB alumnis
does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  One to screw it in, and a dozen
more having a meeting on how the screwing in of the lightbulb can be
affiliated with ITB in any possible way.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lightbulb_jokes

That being said, there is a very thin line between “being consistent” and just.. not..  really..  going..  anywhere…

Yes, I am fully aware that Random Shallow Thoughts 11 was lame.  Perhaps you would like to step outside and tell it to my face one more time.  No? Just as I thought.

Do I smoke?  Not if its legal.

Figure
out what you would gladly do for free.  If you happen to be somewhat
good at it, find out a way to make people pay you some money to
continue doing so.  Top it off with good health, good friends, and some
peace of mind, and hey… you’ve got yourself a pretty decent gig going on there.

The idea of taking a Rorschach Test scares me.  I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

Proof that George Lucas is Indonesian, #65: Dengar (the one-eyed bounty hunter), Toba (a Gungan warrior), Padawan (well it kinda sounds Indonesian, doesn’t it?).

When
I was 17, I used to date a girl who was proficient at making pipe bombs
and explosives.  She even knew how to rig a detonator for plastique C-4
out of a car battery.  Her nickname?  Kitty.

You know a woman has a lot of percaya diri when she says "Hey, I see you’re not on my friend list anymore.  Did you close your account?".  True story, by the way.

How on earth did we ever come to accept the fact that fundamentalism in any organized religion has more to do with hatred and violence than it does with acceptance and compassion?

A
few years ago, while playing Airsoft, I took a point-blank shot from an
AR-15 carbine on the left side of my nose.  I had an open wound gushing
blood.  The following day I had an interview with Harper’s Bazaar.  Now you know why the I was facing left in the article’s picture.

At least if I was interviewed by "Soldier of Fortune", I would have had an easier time explaining myself to the stylist. 

“It’s all good.”  There is something very peaceful about these three words.  I wouldn’t mind having it engraved on my urn one day.

My father once told me that his sons and daughter owe him nothing.  He said that we owe it to our own children instead one day.  Seeing our social lives as of late, it looks like me, my brother, and my sister are definitely impas bandar!  Ehehehe….

Besides..
when you think of it, to go through the whole trouble of creating a
life and then punishing it for not praising you… I mean, how nuts is
that idea anyways?  Thank God my dad wasn’t that narrow-minded and insecure. 

While we are on the subject, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  Could someone please explain the concept of "Hell" to me?

Hey, if alcohol isn’t your cuppa tea, I’m cool with that.  But it doesn’t mean you may order a vodka cruiser.  Not on my watch, you won’t.

A mocktail? Try me.  Just go ahead and see what happens.

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t watch low-quality porn.

Y’know, being able to remain on good terms with your ex-girlfriends means something.  Ain’t sure what, exactly.  But it’s all good.  It really is.

I would be a rich man if I got a penny everytime I read an interview of an Indonesian artist whining his or her ass off about "seni di Indonesia tidak didukung pemerintah".  (Boy, is Farah Wawah sooo gonna get me on this one…)

The main reason I channel surf is because sticking to one channel is too much of a commitment.

I have a dream…  that one day we will live in a world free of online poseurs who call themselves “pelacur”, “pecun”, “banci”, or “penjahat”.  I eat you and your type for breakfast, spit out the bones, and manage to watch my saturday morning cartoons while I am at it.

If you gotta lose, lose with grace.  And if you ever figure out how to pull that off, please do email me.

I still believe that marriage is the excess of meeting someone you cannot imagine living another day without.  Excess.  It is not a goal in itself.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People: Join an MLM.

  One of the most annoying excuses I have ever heard is "Gue kan cewek, Dri!".  Man, if you could only count how many times I wish I could have gotten away with “ya gue kan cowok!” as a bloody excuse…

When a woman uses the term "yang jahat yang mana?" in reference to movies, slowly step away, turn around, and run for your life.

Real men cry at the final scene of "First Bood I".

My brother has actually met Paul Stanley of KISS.  And I was Ace Frehley for Halloween once.  That used up a lot of tin-foil, I tellya.

Heartbreak makes a poet out of all of us.

Live in Jakarta once in your life.  Leave before you find the following terms to be perfectly acceptable: "Pre-party", "On Trial", "Soft Opening", and "Pre-wedding".

Garfield was right. Bad dreams are more likely to the result of strong cheeses and spicy foods, and not the suppression of guilt.

Anggun: Uberpoultry Supreme. The Mother Hen Every Chicken Aspires to Be.

The better looking a woman is, the less likely she is to thank you when you send her a birthday message.  Again, its not like the average male would ever notice anyways.

When in doubt, you could always quote Nietzche.

When
out of the blue, an old pribumi friend contacts you and insists to
meet, it means he want to borrow money.  If he is chinese, he wants to
sell you something.  If he is a member of Amway, I can give you guidelines on how to properly dismember and dispose a dead body.

Javanese Sound Test: "Jajal, jajal.. ji ro lu.. jajal…"

“Rabid Bunda”.  If one day this term ever becomes popular, you heard it here first.  And yes, it means exactly the way it sounds.

Real men never use the terms "gokil", “yo’i”, or “jek”.  Skinny Guys in Hats use those terms.  My point, exactly.

Kevlar: Never Leave Home Without It.

Of course I have six pack abs. They just happen to be behind a layer of fat.

You know you’re a “Bule with a Mission” when you find it necessary to make a point that you have a favorite Indonesian band.  And to make sure everyone knows about it, so help you God.

If I had the option of putting a soundtrack to my life, it would probably be "Miami Vice".

In no possible way am I implying that I have any resemblance to Sonny Crockett whatsoever.

I despise moccha so much that if I inadvertently sip coffee after eating chocolate, I would spit it out in disgust.

If it turns out to be true, does it still make me a judgmental bastard?

“Its funny how we all grow up wanting to be James Bond, but end up looking like a Bond villain instead.”  - Angus Wilson, a highschool friend after seeing me on Facebook for the first time in eighteen years.

My
father once told me that in life I will come across people who would
disbelieve me if i told them that the shirt on their back was made of
oil.  He also told me that the exact same people would probably find the concept of some guy parting the Red Sea to be perfectly reasonable.

In Vegas, losing twenty-five dollars pissed me off more than winning a hundred dollars made me happy. Then and there I realized I wasn’t cut out for gambling.

I’m a PG-13 man living in an NC-17 world.

Typical
Responses You Receive if You are Idiotic Enough to Tell People You
Design Clothing for a Living, #27;  The “Bule with a Mission” response:
"Do you use batik?  What do you mean you don’t use batik? Aren’t you proud of your rich heritage?  Why would you want to do work clothing?  I mean…"

Attractive women shouldn’t wink. Seriously.