- vipertongue -

  One of the most annoying excuses I have ever heard is "Gue kan cewek, Dri!".  Man, if you could only count how many times I wish I could have gotten away with “ya gue kan cowok!” as a bloody excuse…

When a woman uses the term "yang jahat yang mana?" in reference to movies, slowly step away, turn around, and run for your life.

Real men cry at the final scene of "First Bood I".

My brother has actually met Paul Stanley of KISS.  And I was Ace Frehley for Halloween once.  That used up a lot of tin-foil, I tellya.

Heartbreak makes a poet out of all of us.

Live in Jakarta once in your life.  Leave before you find the following terms to be perfectly acceptable: "Pre-party", "On Trial", "Soft Opening", and "Pre-wedding".

Garfield was right. Bad dreams are more likely to the result of strong cheeses and spicy foods, and not the suppression of guilt.

Anggun: Uberpoultry Supreme. The Mother Hen Every Chicken Aspires to Be.

The better looking a woman is, the less likely she is to thank you when you send her a birthday message.  Again, its not like the average male would ever notice anyways.

When in doubt, you could always quote Nietzche.

When
out of the blue, an old pribumi friend contacts you and insists to
meet, it means he want to borrow money.  If he is chinese, he wants to
sell you something.  If he is a member of Amway, I can give you guidelines on how to properly dismember and dispose a dead body.

Javanese Sound Test: "Jajal, jajal.. ji ro lu.. jajal…"

“Rabid Bunda”.  If one day this term ever becomes popular, you heard it here first.  And yes, it means exactly the way it sounds.

Real men never use the terms "gokil", “yo’i”, or “jek”.  Skinny Guys in Hats use those terms.  My point, exactly.

Kevlar: Never Leave Home Without It.

Of course I have six pack abs. They just happen to be behind a layer of fat.

You know you’re a “Bule with a Mission” when you find it necessary to make a point that you have a favorite Indonesian band.  And to make sure everyone knows about it, so help you God.

If I had the option of putting a soundtrack to my life, it would probably be "Miami Vice".

In no possible way am I implying that I have any resemblance to Sonny Crockett whatsoever.

I despise moccha so much that if I inadvertently sip coffee after eating chocolate, I would spit it out in disgust.

If it turns out to be true, does it still make me a judgmental bastard?

“Its funny how we all grow up wanting to be James Bond, but end up looking like a Bond villain instead.”  - Angus Wilson, a highschool friend after seeing me on Facebook for the first time in eighteen years.

My
father once told me that in life I will come across people who would
disbelieve me if i told them that the shirt on their back was made of
oil.  He also told me that the exact same people would probably find the concept of some guy parting the Red Sea to be perfectly reasonable.

In Vegas, losing twenty-five dollars pissed me off more than winning a hundred dollars made me happy. Then and there I realized I wasn’t cut out for gambling.

I’m a PG-13 man living in an NC-17 world.

Typical
Responses You Receive if You are Idiotic Enough to Tell People You
Design Clothing for a Living, #27;  The “Bule with a Mission” response:
"Do you use batik?  What do you mean you don’t use batik? Aren’t you proud of your rich heritage?  Why would you want to do work clothing?  I mean…"

Attractive women shouldn’t wink. Seriously.