- vipertongue -

Did you know that the Indonesian word for "velcro" is "perepet"?  Now if that ain’t a perfect example of onomatopoeia, I don’t know what is.

The
type of women who read "The Purpose Driven Life" tend to marry the type
of men who read "Rich Dad Poor Dad".  And end up sharing a copy of "The
Secret".  GBU!

You know you’re a “Bule with a Mission” if you read books by Allende, Marquez, Naipaul, or anything else with a political turmoil as a backdrop.

Cool name for a band: Dewi McPeaches and the Moldy Persiks.  (You probably have to be a hipster Aksara-Hag to find this one amusing.)

If your date ever uses the term "Yang jahat yang mana?" in reference to movies, slowly step away, turn around, and run for your life.

When a guy says his work involves “memasok ke instansi and general trading”, you can make a safe assumption his dad is a high ranking government official.

A surefire way to never get hired if you are being interviewed by me for Marketing and Sales position: "Mungkin harus fashion show ya, Pak.."

Actually, I wish I could press a red button and the interviewee would plunge into a subterranean pool of bloodfrenzied sharks, ala Dr Evil.

Did you know that the word Boogeyman came from "Bugis"?  Somehow I think our vice president would feel a wee bit smugger if he knew that.

You know you’re a rabid bunda if you think your homemade macaroni schotel and risoles kicks some serious ass.

To learn how to swear with eloquence, drive behind a mikrolet.

I got my first (of potentially many) tattoo a few weeks ago.  It was a decent enough place, with the usual gaggle of tattooed, pierced, mohawked kids
hanging around.   As I was wincing under the needle, that song
"Nothing’s gonna change my love for you" suddenly came on the radio.
And somehow everyone started singing along to it.  Without any hint of
irony, pula.

There is a very good reason why the song doesn’t go "Dontcha wish your boyfriend was hot like me?" instead.

That being said, why do women talk about "sisterhood" so much?  Because deep down inside they know they would walk all over each other when the opportunity presents itself.

When was the last time was anyone was ever killed in the name of Satan?
I think the poor guy sits in Hell going "See what happens when you have
horns and a pointy tail?  You get blamed for eeeeverything!  I get no
respect, I tellya… no respect at all…"

Isn’t it ironic how 95% of the clothing in fashion shows would actually get you arrested by the fashion police?

You know you’ve been in Indonesia too long when you instinctively rate ‘human development’ in various cities according to the franchises established there, i.e. from least developed to most developed: CFC, KFC, McD, Starbucks.

That being said, Wonogiri is still like, a decade away from reaching a KFC level of development..

One
of the very first things I noticed when I moved to Indonesia:  Dogs are
hated and feared, monkeys are considered ugly, and kids love drawing
two mountains with a road down the middle with a sunset and rice
paddies on the right and left of it. And they all wanna grow up to be doctors or engineers.

Things
That You Should Never Trust #67:  Anything that claims to be
"berkhasiat", the type of guys who call you "bos", skincare clinics,
and the smile of a public relations officer.  Especially if she’s a hot babe.

If Yohji Yamamoto does a white cotton shirt, it’s "clean, crisp, minimalist, monastic".  If I do a white cotton shirt, it’s "Kok desainnya gitu doang?  Bahannya gampang kusut pula."

"Iya, tapi jatohnya laen, yan…"

Beware of women who SMS you "Sudah makan, belum? Jangan lupa makan ya, nanti sakit lho…".  Trust me on this one.

Binoche over Alba any day. There is something very attractive about women in her 30’s.

If you think you are going to Hell, don’t forget to pack several bottles of mineral water, a decent pair of sunglasses, and a good supply of sunblock.

I knew I was getting old the day I realized I prefer watching CNN instead of MTV.

Real men don’t use straws. Except with Teh Botol.

Norah Jones will be starring in a film directed by Wong Kar Wai.  Now if that ain’t some budayawan daughter’s wet dream, I dunno what is.

I seriously think I would make a great father. A husband?  Well, let’s not push it, okay…