- vipertongue -

Sex is like rempeyek. Y’know, even when it’s not that great, it’s still pretty damn good enough for me.

One should stand up straight, dress appropriately, stride with confidence, and have a firm handshake.  You’d be surprised how far a person can get in life just on that alone.

A man can never own enough knives or multitools.  The fact that he may only use it now and then to break open the little one’s bag of Chiki is entirely beside the point.

If she says “brb” in the middle of a chat, there is exactly a 62.78% chance she is right still there but just doesn’t want to talk to you.

If I could chose a profession based on what I would wear on a daily basis, it would be a reverend, or a Navy SEAL Underwater Demolition Team.  The fact that I have as much faith as my cat and that I couldn’t dog-paddle in a kiddie pool is entirely beside the point.

That being said, there truly is beauty in the monochrome.

People who post blog entries on how fun and fearless it is to be living the single life, actually hate being single.

Especially more so if the aforementioned person watches Sex and the City.  So help you God.

Overheard in theater while watching an adaptation of Shakespeare’s “Henry V”: “Tapi saya belum nonton satu sampai empat…”

I’ve hanged out with the literati - budayawan crowd, and I’ve hanged out with the fashionista - model crowd.  Now take a wild guess, which crowd was most likely to make snap judgments based on someone’s appearance alone, and verbally express it?

It’s generally not a very good idea to travel in countries where the government soldiers still wear sandal jepit.

I think my dad would have loved “The Pursuit of Happyness”.

When it comes to trousers, innovation in design doesn’t sell. (Cue to smart-ass comments by designer-wannabes here.)

In 1984, there was a hit song by Jim Diamond that went “I should have known better, to lie to someone as beautiful as you..“.  The first thing that went through my 12 year old mind was: “So if she is ugly, does it mean it’s okay to lie through your teeth?”

A religious organization in Indonesia is miffed because the upcoming movie “Drupadi” implies that the Mahabharata is just a fictional story.  I find it amusing how one man’s historical fact is just another man’s myth.  Besides, if you can believe in water turning into wine and the parting of the Red Sea, then the idea of a talking white-furred simian shouldn’t be too much of a stretch, should it?

If your date ever orders soup with a pastry-hat, her steak cooked well-done, and a lime squash, slowly stand up, step away, turn around, and run for your life.

Let me guess.  She also prefers Crispy over Original and listens to Josh Groban.

After several years in Indonesia, it dawned upon me that the symbol for Pramuka was, in fact, not a tadpole.

Typical Reactions You Get If You Are Actually Idiotic Enough To Tell People You Design Clothing For A Living #87:  The Friends of My Mom Response: “Sok atuh Adri disainkan untuk tante baju yang bisa bikin langsing, saya mah susah pisan cari baju, maklum kalau sudah berumur udah ngga muda lagi model2 baju.. jangan desain untuk yang langsing2 saja atuh… tante mah suka yang yang ada bolletjes dan…”

The two ‘heads GBU chicks would never listen to:  Radiohead and Portishead.  Seriously, just stick to Il Divo, Susan Wong, and “Oh Carol”.

Fine, I may not wear sagging jeans, distro t-shirts, with funky “me-so-gokil” sneakers, but it doesn’t mean you would ever catch me in a polo t-shirt tucked into bermuda shorts with sockless penny-loafers.  (So there, Affi.  :P  )

A man playing a ukulele is exactly one half a man.  And if he wears Crocs while doing so, well…  let’s just leave it at that…

Girlfriends come and go, but friends are forever.  And if you do not consider your girlfriend first and foremost as a friend, then you know you are doing it wrong.  You idiot.

Several female friends have given me a nickname based on a character in Rudyard Kipling’s “The Jungle Book”.  Could it be Bagheera, the wise and stoic black panther?  Or  the villainous and scheming bengali tiger, Shere Khan?  Or perhaps even Kaa, the cunning boa constrictor?  But nooooo, of course not.  It had to be Baloo, the fat and jovial dancing bear.  Hell, why you’re at it, why not throw me a tricycle and umbrella?  I just might be able to score a gig at a circus somewhere.  Sheeeesh.

Considering how in highschool some friends nicknamed me Valmont from John Malkovich’s character in “Dangerous Liaisons”, I guess life has really been downhill for me ever since…

If I ever see another Indonesian TV spot that uses James Brown’s “I Feel Good”, I swear I am gonna hunt down that “anak agency” and shove his Macbook Pro and his “me-so-gokil-white-sneakers” down his skinny throat.

Okay, what’s worse than posing for pics in front of Hard Rock Hotel’s blue surfboard on Kuta?  Posing for pics in front of the Bvlgari hotel sign. Even more so if you aren’t actually staying there.

I’m a GoodReads kinda guy living in a AdultFriendFinder kinda world.