- vipertongue -

Is it just me, or does anyone else find the word “mahasiswa”, more often than not, to be an oxymoron?

Girlfriends are like instant noodles.  One pack isn’t enough, two is too much.  But if you use one and a half, you can never quite figure out what to do with that extra half.

When it says “Fun Fearless Female”, what it actually means is “Insecure, Neurotic, and Needy”.

The only thing sadder than having your autograph and comments up on the seleb section of restaurant wall, is actually asking if you could put your autograph up on that wall.

If you ever use the term “sudah capek pacaran”, please allow me to let you in on a little secret:  It means you’ve been doing it wrong. Idiot.

I could never understand the appeal of the caffe latte.  It tastes like warm milk contaminated by coffee. Bleagh.

You know you have been in living in Bandung too long when the only time you see pribumis and chinese eating at the same table is at nasi hainam joints that are located within a 3 kilometer radius of a church on a sunday afternoon.

A few years back, my staff surprised me on my birthday by presenting me with custom baked bread in the shape of a crocodile that was literally the size of my desk.  What they actually meant by it, I never bothered figuring out.

You know you work for MRA if your profile has a picture of you deliberately smoking a cigarette.  Oh, and don’t forget the corporate-issue sengak expression while you are at it.

Prayer is like music. There is no logic, reason, nor point to it, but if it makes you feel good and it doesn’t bother anyone else, then hey… why not?

I find it very amusing how the guys who patronize me with “Lu kapan married, yan… masa mau bujangan terus sampai tua”, are also the same suami-idaman types who always pester me to be introduced to models.

You know you have been living in Jakarta too long when you find the words “KFC” and “lounge” in the same sentence to be a perfectly acceptable idea.

If you are on a date and she says “Terus terus terus?  Cerita dong cerita dong!”, she really has no interest in whatever it is you have to say.  And no, she wasn’t paying attention to the few words you wedged in earlier either.

Besides, whenever someone says that to me, the first thing that comes to my mind is “Whaddaya think I am? A wind-up toy or something? Get yourself something battery powered if you need to be entertained.”

There is good reason why an eligible bachelor is referred to as a “catch”.  Because if not caught (and nailed down under lock and key, if you wish), there is absolutely no logical reason for him to remain in one place. It’s only natural, n’est–ce pas?

If you ever come across an online profile of a bule living in Indonesia whose favorite book is “Love in the Time of Cholera”, has pictures of post-tsunami Aceh with a pompous “This is what I do” as a caption, and listens to “Deep Forest”, slowly stand up, get an axe, and hack your laptop to pieces.

“She was disappointed that you couldn’t commit, that’s why she left you for another guy”.  No, she left me for another guy because… there is another guy.  Period.

I consider Miyabi to be the “Michael Learns to Rock” of her industry.  Even the most rabid GBU chick out there would shamelessly admit she knows of Maria Ozawa.  And the fact that you didn’t use google and know both names also proves my point.

I have observed that there are two kinds of Indonesian students in the U.S.  The first kind makes friends, and the second kind just goes and joins PERMIAS.

And if you are even too pathetic for that, there are always the indo-church youth groups.  Because resistance, my friend… is futile.

John Hughes movies teach you that the shy good-guy always gets the girl and wins in the end.  I personally hold Mr. Hughes accountable for my pathetic wasted teenage years.

One thing I remembered about my father was that he would always introduce himself to my friends by saying his own name. When I was a kid, it sounded rather odd, but now I can see it’s a sign of respect and consideration towards my friends.

Y’know, the fact that a mall has the audacity to call itself “The Pride of Indonesia” says a lot about us as a people.

You know you have been living in Indonesia too long when you quit your job to write a book.   As opposed to writing a book, get published, and only THEN do you quit your job.

I just shaved my head for the first time ever, inspired by Jason Statham.  How did it turn out?  Well, put it this way…  putting lipstick on a pig does not an Anne Hathaway make, does it?

Men who prefer long-haired women tend to sit side-by-side with her with when in restaurants.  Men who prefer short-haired women will sit across from her.

In times of doubt and self-reflection, ask yourself this:  “What would a Tom Clancy character do?”, and niscaya ye shall find the the way, my child.

Everyone has their own personal struggle to deal with.